So in the last year I have had two experiences that give me more empathy for women who experience sexual harassment. I never used to feel in my gut the sense of survivor blame that some women feel nor the need for a safe environment. This has changed.

Twice in the last year a dog has bitten me hard enough to draw blood. I feel very intimidated around large unleashed dogs now, especially when they're barking. Most of the people that I've told have been very supportive: "The owner needs to control their dog!" Some though have said, "What did you do?" That question was likely motivated out of concern, as a way to prevent this from recurring. It also can imply that it's my job not to provoke the dog and at worse can imply that I may have deserved it and that the bite was appropriate. "Well, you were scared and the dog could sense that." Um no. It isn't like I was pinching the dog hard on the under-belly or something.

This all reminds me of situations where a woman has survived rape, or a milder harassment. Most people will take her side, "The man needs to control his passions." Some people though might ask, "What were you wearing / what was she wearing?" This may be motivated by concern: the world is a dangerous place with men who rape and we ought not to be naive to that. Don't walk into the fire. It can imply though that it's a woman's responsibility not to provoke a man.

Yes, the world is a dangerous place with dogs that bite and bark and men that rape and harass. Is it my responsibility to feel confident around dogs lest I provoke them out of fear? Is it a woman's responsibility to dress conservatively lest she provoke a man out of lust? Should I just ignore the big dog barking at me and should a woman just ignore the man looking at her lustfully?

No. We should complain: please leash your dog if it's large and intimidating, please keep your mouth shut and hands to yourself if you're sexually attracted to me. People need to control their dogs; men need to control their passions; we need safe environments; and when someone slips up we need to come down hard on the perpetrator and support the survivor.

If you're a man and you don't agree, then I have a few dogs to introduce to you.